David Letterman Quotes About Comedy
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Here's a little known fact - Arnold is the first body builder to run for governor since Janet Reno.
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Here's a woman, a real pioneer for other women looking for careers in stand-up comedy. And talk about guts - she would come out here and sit in this chair and say some things that were unbelievable - where you would have to swallow pretty hard... but it was hilarious... the force of her comedy was overpowering.
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Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode?
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There is no off position on the genius switch.
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For the love of God, folks, don't try this at home.
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The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, then he's alive, then dead, then alive. It's just confusing. Today they showed videotape, and Saddam was speaking at his own funeral.
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President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?
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President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger.
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Donald Trump had a university. Well, the state attorney general decided that the Donald Trump University was an unlicensed sham. And I thought, you know you're at a bad university when your commencement speaker is Whitey Bulger.
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New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.
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The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.
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I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments.
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The mayor of Sochi is now saying that there are no gay people in Sochi. So the only thing that is flaming over there now is the Olympic torch.
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We have defeated Saddam Hussein and Iraq. The good news is Iraq is ours, and the bad news is Iraq is ours.
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I don't like stand-up comedy that requires a lot of props. I really respect people who can walk out onstage alone and with no other tool but their own minds and can make you laugh and maybe even think a little.
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Wherever we've travelled in this great land of ours, we've found that people everywhere are about 90% water.
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Yesterday Senator John Kerry changed his mind and now supports the ban on gay marriages. I'm telling you this guy has more positions than Paris Hilton.
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Iraq's elite Republican Guard is doing so badly they're changing their name to the Democratic Guard.
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I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.
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