Jay Leno Quotes About Comedy
-
I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good. Maybe you're not the best, so you should work a little harder.
→ -
The Washington Bullets are changing their name. They don't want their team to be associated with crime. From now on, they'll just be known as the Bullets.
→ -
Nineteen percent of doctors say that they'd be able to give their patients a lethal injection. But they also went on to say that the patient would have to be really, really behind on payments.
→ -
Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.
→ -
The best way to ruin a comedy is to throw a lot of money at it.
→ -
Al Jazeera aired a new tape of Osama bin Laden. It was the usual stuff, he called Bush evil, the Great Satan, called him a war monger. Basically, the same thing you heard at last night's Democratic debate.
→ -
The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular.
→ -
The University of Nebraska says that elderly people that drink beer or wine at least four times a week have the highest bone density. They need it - they're the ones falling down the most.
→ -
CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.
→ -
For the first time ever, overweight people outnumber average people in America. Doesn't that make overweight the average then? Last month you were fat, now you're average - hey, let's get a pizza!
→ -
Comedy is the only profession where love from a stranger is better than love from a family member. You need to perform for strangers to see if you're really funny. If they laugh and cheer, it's the greatest thing in the world.
→ -
Today, one year after their divorce, Pamela and Tommy Lee announced they're getting back together. You know what that means? There's still hope for Ike and Tina Turner.
→ -
The Bush administration said today there is a lot of support for us to attack Iraq. Exxon, Mobil, Texaco, Chevron, they're all lining up.
→ -
I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'
→
Related Authors
-
Arsenio Hall Actor -
Conan O'Brien Talk show host -
Craig Ferguson Talk show host -
Mavis Leno Philanthropist -
Jeremy Clarkson Broadcaster -
Bill Cosby Comedian -
Stephen Colbert Satirist -
Tim Allen Comedian -
Adam Carolla Comedian -
David Letterman Talk show host -
Jimmy Fallon Television host -
Bill Maher Comedian -
Jerry Seinfeld Comedian -
Ellen DeGeneres Comedian -
Jon Stewart Satirist -
Johnny Carson Host -
Don Rickles Comedian -
Larry King Radio host -
Steve Martin Actor -
Joan Rivers Television Personality